Wednesdays Storey of Inspiration!

I am sure that many people have suffered "infertility" and this can be the cause of many things. Sometimes even experienceing loss(es) that are unexplainable, and just as hard. There are many people who want a baby so badly, yet everytime they try end up experincing heart ache and just want to give up. Todays inspirtation storey is someone who had success and loss, how she felt about her ttc and her positive results in the end.

My story:

My Battle with Infertility

My husband and I decided we wanted to start a family in 2002 but were not actively trying to conceive. Seven months of "not trying but not preventing" and we were pregnant. The pregnancy was great. Other than morning sickness for 6 months, all was well. In June 2003, I gave birth to a beautiful son.

When our son was 14 months old, we decided to start trying for another baby. I had my IUD removed and was told I should get pregnant as soon as or maybe quicker than it took me to get pregnant with my son, so we figured 7 months again. Well, it took us about 10 months. We found out I was finally pregnant on August 6th, 2005. We were excited!! I started having abdominal pain and went into the doctor. They did an ultrasound and ran some tests. Everything seemed fine, although they couldn't find anything on the ultrasound, no baby, no sac, no nothing. I was devasted but they said It could just be too early to see anything. Ten days after finding out I was pregnant, I began to bleed. I was miscarrying my baby. It was almost the hardest thing I had ever been put through. But since it was an early loss, I was able to start trying again right away. We figured that since I was probably still fertile, we'd get pregnant right away...Nope! We didnt conceive for another 11 months!

Why is this taking so long? Why can't we get pregnant so easily? Why can women who don't want kids get pregnant on a one night stand? Why can drug addicts have kids and here I struggle? Why? Why? Why?? All these questions went through my mind a million times over. I was heartbroken. Miscarriage was a thing I had heard of other women going through, but not something I'd ever thought would happen to me. It took me a long time to get over the loss of my baby. Yes, I only knew I was pregnant for 10 days, but those were the best 10 days of my life. I was attached to that baby as soon as I saw a positive on that pregnancy test. My angel is now watching over me and my family and I will see him again one day. That will be an awesome day....

So finally June 2006 comes around and I find out that I'm pregnant again!! Finally...after 11 long months of trying, we are pregnant again!! We are thrilled!! I just know this baby is going to hang on because, yes I went through one loss, but there is no way I would go through another in a row, right? I call the doc and inform them I'm pregnant. Due to having had a loss less than a year earlier, they have me go for bloodwork to get my HCG levels. I'm supposed to go back in 2 days to get them drawn again and make sure they double. Those 2 days were so long. I so badly wanted to hear good news. I didn't get the news I wanted. My numbers never went up, instead they dropped...My worse fear was coming true again. I was losing a 2nd baby in a row, in less than a year's time.

This time I get bitter, angry and become hateful towards pregnant women. I stopped going to church because I couldn't stand to see all the pregnant women there and hear about all the recent births. The thought of pregnant women angered me to no end. All the same why questions from the first loss were going through my head again. How could God do this to me? Why wasn't he allowing me to become a mother again? What was I doing wrong? Why do I keep losing babies?? I finally thought that I wasn't going to be allowed by God to have any more children, but I didn't give up. I wasn't ready to give up yet. I wanted another child desperatly. So we went back to trying again, right away. I knew, it wouldn't be easy to get pregnant. It had been an uphill battle taking almost a year each time to get pregnant again. I figured we had another long road ahead of us. Finally though, I decided we couldn't do this on our own and I sought medical help.

I went to my midwife and she did pretty much all she could do. She started me on Clomid and I also started progesterone to maintain the pregnancy if I were to conceive again. After about 4 months of no success she sent me to see an OB that specializes in Infertility. We did a sperm analysis on my husband. I had an HSG done. Everything was coming out great. We were both healthy and were able to make babies, so why was this taking us so long?? Finally the OB doc puts me on Clomid again and we go to check out follicles to make sure the Clomid is working and that I'm ovulating. To my disappointment, my body didn't respond to the Clomid. I was not ovulating at all. Only God knows how long that had been happening. I was heartbroken again. I felt like a failure. I was the one who couldnt give my husband any more kids and who couldn't give my son a sibling he's been so desperatly asking for. I felt crushed, lonely and like a complete and utter failure.


Well my doc sent me for bloodwork to check my estrogen levels and he reviewed my ultrasound. He called me back that night and said it looked like only 3 of the 6 follies were actually mature. So he said we could go through with the cycle. I had to get an HCG trigger shot to make me ovulate. My husband and I were excited! Finally, after all this time, we actually had a decent shot at getting pregnant!!

Almost exactly a year since my last pregnancy, we found out on June 9th, 2007 that we are pregnant again!! I can't believe it!! It finally happened for us again!! After 31 cycles total of trying for another baby and 2 miscarriages, we are expecting!! Holy Cow!! I went and had my bloodwork done and the numbers were really high and they more than doubled in the 48 hour time frame!

On July 9th, 2007 we went in for our first ultrasound and found not one baby, but 2!! We are expecting twins in Feb 2008!! Both babies are measuring right on target and both had good strong heartbeats. We couldn't be happier!!

So this is my story of my battle on infertility and miscarriages. It was a hard, long road. There was lots of heartache and stress. My advice to anyone who is struggling with this is to not ever give up. There were many a days I just wanted to quit. I couldn't handle it and didn't want to do it anymore. I had a great support system with friends, family and my husband. Most importantly, my husband. He was amazing through the whole process. He hated seeing me get my hopes up each month and then fall into a bad depression each time my period showed each month. But he was and still is amazing.



I'm not sure how inspiring my story is, but I do know that there are many ladies out there that have experienced the pain of miscarriages and the heartache of infertility. If nothing else, I hope my story gives those out there some hope.

Rachel


As mentioned before, if you have a storey that is inspirational that might help other people go through a tough situation and know that there is a positive outcome that can happen, that there is a way out of it, I woudl love to hear it and post it on this blog. I am hoping to have an inspirational storey for every Wednesday. Something positive to share, and brighten everyones day.. to provide hope. For the inspirational storey, I will give one question answered indepth> email cheri22@gmail.com for more information.

Stay tuned to the blog, have many interesting topics to talk about in the next few weeks that hopefully everyone enjoys reading just as much as I did.