A post of sorts!

Well as promised on Wednesdays I will post a storey of inspiration, usually submitted by someone else, or will post some of my own. I hope that you will take what you will from it, learn, and enjoy reading it, knowing that your not alone in what takes place in life and can always seek comfort from the ones around you.

Todays inspirational storey is about someones struggles with depression, and their battle and understanding of it. Its very powerfully written, and she will be an amazing writer some day soon. I have never suffered from depression, but have been close to those who have, so this storey of inspirtation is for you. (My mom suffered from severe depression from the time I was young till I turned 21. Proud to say she has it beat!)


Depression is an act of depressing something. In my life, I was depressing emotions. Not only fear, anger, and hate, but I also depressed love, joy, and happiness. As I continued to alienate my emotions from my mind, I fell hard and fast into the depths of despair. I was no longer living life I was surviving it.
When you begin the process of healing, it changes the family dynamics or the roles within a relationship, especially as it relates to childhood sexual trauma. When the journey towards healing begins for the person who suffers from PTSD, they will come face-to-face with the demons they have buried. Part of the healing journey is coming to terms with the abuse suffered and those who perpetuated the abuse most likely will never admit to their wrongdoing
I have suffered the pains of child abuse from my parents. I remember walking to elementary school, alone, wondering if anyone else knew what was happening to me. I was afraid to make friends because then they would want to come over and play and I did not want anybody to come over and get hurt the way I was hurt. I became a great student getting excellent grades, but my social skills sucked. I made it through my teenage years and into adulthood, but the effects of abuse colored every choice I made in my life. After several years of trying to untangle the web of abuse around me I realized I could not do this alone. I put aside my pride and decided to seek help. I tried several different types of therapy. The reason it took several attempts is because I did not know really what was wrong with me. Only that it had to have something to do with the abuse I experienced in my life.

It is important to remember that your first choice of treatment may not be the one best suited for your recovery. Do not give up keep trying various methods. As difficult, as it sounds today you will be able to move through surviving life and begin thriving with all the joys life has to offer you.

The treatment that brought me from living in a negative mindset was “Art Therapy.” Let me tell you, this was not easy, especially since I thought I actually had to draw, which I cannot do. I was terrified. However, when I walked into the room, it was so peaceful, no demands. In time, I began to do the art, which consisted of simply sitting down at a large table and choose any medium I wanted. I could color, use clay, paint, even finger paint if I wanted. The first few things I drew were on very large pieces of paper. In the center was a very tiny dot of yellow and then the entire paper was filled with black paint. Several months later the “tiny yellow dot” became bigger and the “blackness” began to disappear. I did not realize how important this was at the time, but now I know that I was cleansing the negative effects of abuse from not only my mind but also my soul.

I began to walk into the room and light a candle, my way of preparing the space for the healing that was taking place. By the end I became thankful for my experiences and that I was alive and that I had a purpose.Besides using the art, I also began using my writing during therapy. I have a tendency to stay in my head. It was my way of not becoming emotional. I learned though that the healing came through my emotions. At first my writing was angry. I was angry at not only my family for what happened, but I was angry at the world. I learned I was angry at me. Then the floodgate of tears began coming and I could not stop them. It was such a release to read my words out loud and hear the pain I had held inside for so many years.

I still love to write. I desire that the pain expressed in my words only serves the purpose to bring the reader to find the joy in their own life. Today, I start each day by lighting a white candle and surrounding myself with the positive energy of white light. I do morning meditations to center myself for the tasks that the day may bring. I also exercise three times per week, which is a great release when I have days that still feel a bit lumpy.


I have to say, that when I was going through my healing I never thought a day would come when I could look back on my abuse and not cringe. Today, I can. Today, I can acknowledge that awful things happened to me and I can smile. I can smile because I am not only living life, I am thriving in life. When I feel tears well up in my eyes, I embrace them. I no longer shun emotions, I welcome them. I have learned that to live life, you have to feel life. I can honestly say that I would rather feel life in all of its colors than to live in a world void of emotions

Anastasia

In regards to other news, looks like we might have found the person to take over on part time basis for me at work so I can work part time as well. My boss would like to do a few more interviews, but I am pretty sure we are going with this one (I had her picked the minute her resume came in!) So, from what I am told if she accepts the position, she will be able to start immediately. That means 2 weeks of training and then I can start working part time!!!