I'm back.... I think

I have been having fairly good days lately.. and then I get a bad one. Last night I had a dream.. my sister called me on the phone to tell me that my mother died. Now in my dream I was already aware that she was dead, so I had no clue as to how it could happen the second time.. Lets just say that its not easy hearing it the second time either!

So today was a rough day for me. I did have somethings that made it a bit brighter. I headed to my Mom's husbands house today to help him look for pictures. My mom's celebration of her life is being done this Sunday and we wanted to find pictures of her to put up for everyone to see. I mentioned to him, that if my mother kept her wedding rings from when she was married to my dad, that I would love to have them. My mom always talked about getting them melted and making necklaces for myself and my sister. We decided to search the jewelry box.

First and foremost, my mom was NOT Mrs Clean.. heck she was not even Mrs. Tidy. She seemed to leave stuff lying around everywhere. I would consider her Mrs. Cluttered. I think that partly due to her depression from previous and I am sure bouts of it at times, it was hard for her to organize things, put things away or even throw things away that didn't need to be kept. She kept everything! Anyways, he opened up the bottom drawer of the jewelry box and inside were two receipts.. the funny thing was that it was for two random things that just did not really "matter". Not like you needed to keep them. So we kinda laughed at that. The second drawer from the bottom contained a small, flat craft wooden PIGS HEAD.. yes.. that was what was in there. My mom's husband and I laughed pretty hard about that. It was almost like it was planted there to get a laugh out of us at that time. I sure needed it. I never found the rings we were looking for, but we realized that just from looking for pictures and the rings, that there are not only going to be memories attached to what we find when we start to sort out the house, but fun stuff too that I am sure will have us rolling in laughter.

As I was driving away from their house, I felt my mother watching from the patio. Sitting in the same grey chair she would always when she had her smoke and she waved. I wish I could have seen with my own two eyes, but will have to take comfort in seeing with my minds eye for now.

Tonight, after laying in my youngest bed with her trying to get her to finally fall asleep (was 10pm by the time it happened) someone sat on the corner of the bed.. only no one was there physically. I got a mental image of my mom again, just sitting.. offering support. Not saying anything (either out loud or mentally either).

I think today was a hard day as well as I had to pick up my mothers ashes. They will eventually be spread somewhere special. We are probably going to wait till closer to her birthday in June to decide where and as a family (me, my sister and my mothers husband) will go and do it together.

So, I am back online, I am back to answering emails and doing predictions. I am behind a few days with them, so please continue to be patient with me. I will do my best to keep going strong, while still trying to make sure that I allow myself the opportunity to grieve if I am having a bad day.

Thank you all for your kindness and support during this difficult time. I appreciate it!