How to recognize a lesson at work

I know i have said in many previous posts about lessons we need to learn in this life in order to help use grow. Not just as people, but spiritually as well. Well, sometimes the best way to notice a lesson at work, is to realize that its happening over and over and over, and yet each time your making the exact same choice.

For example, when I was a teen (seems like a lifetime ago!) I dated "losers". Although at the time I was not completely aware of it. These were guys that I would date, finding them attractive and nice at the first part, but not really clueing in to the fact that they were lieing and or cheating on me. I remember my best friend telling me she had seen my then boyfriend (my first love) holding hands with another girl. I confrtonted him and he denied it. I accepted it and continued the relationship. Eventually finding out more information in the time to come from other sources. Finding out he had slept with someone else. When confronted by myself, he laughed it off, told me to go ahead and ask the girl and while at it, ask if he was any good. I dont think that he really thought I would ask...but I did. I walked up to her while in school and actually told her he asked me to ask her that. The look on her face told me what I needed to know.

I dated other guys, it seems like everyone I did date (trust me its not a ton of guys!) they would end up cheating. It was just before I met my husband that I gave my head a shake. I stood there and faced the lesson. Up till that point, i went along with any scenario that came before me. Accepted the people for who they were and did not give myself the opportunity to realize that I was WORTH more than that. Meaning, I was a good person, and did not deserve to have people treat me like crap. It was then that I vowed, that any man I did date would have to be honest. Should he cheat, the relationship would be over.. I met my then husband in a bar (which I predicted to my friends when I was 16, although not fully aware yet of my gifts). When we started to get serious, I told him that if he EVER cheat on me, it would be over. Whether we were still dating, engaged, married or with or without kids... I would walk away. He told me the same applied to him. It was when I realized that my lesson was as plain as the eye can see, and made the change to get away from my "routine" way of thinking that the lesson stopped repeating. My husband (been married now for almost 10 years and together for 15 years this month) has NEVER cheated on me, nor I him. He is honest to the point that sometimes I question why I even asked him that question! (hes definately the type that if you asked if you look fat in something, if you did, he would tell you yes).

So it was two days ago that I realized that another lesson is at work in my life. I guess you can call it an "awakening". Not that I have not had lessons prior to now, just this one really sticks out, which tells me its more of a "life" lesson rather than just a learning one.

For those of you who know me well.. I am generous. Not only with my time, money or what have you. I go out of my way to help people. I always have. This is not to toot my own horn and tell you what a wonderful person I am (although I am! lol) its to give you the "background" to this lesson.

I seem to without hesistation, offer my time and or money or whatever to people that I am not really "connected" to. This is not a "bad" thing at all nor am I complaining.. but I seem to at times really put myself "out" bending over backwards to try and help someone or do something for them and I ask myself now.. why? I know that it makes me feel good to be able to help people. my mom instilled that in me, but I think this lesson is trying to tell me that its okay to say no... that its okay to not do "everything" for everyone.

Example. I do daycare 5 days a week. I have three kids that have days scheduled throughout the week. My one daycare parent told me one morning during this week that a mutal friend had asked her to watch her 7 year old while her and her husband headed on a trip to mexico. The daycare parent is the step mom to this girl which is why she was asked first (after the bio dad canceled) I mentioned I would see what i could do to help, as my daughter and this 7 year old are great friends (they have sleep overs frequently). To make a long storey short, here i am, looking through my daycare schedule, seeing that three of those days I would have a "full house" of daycare which means no room in the van for the extra 7 year old. I immediately start to think on how i can "shuffle" things around to be more accomodating, figuring out if my inlaws could come part of the day while I shuffle kids back and forth to school. (not to mention this other 7 year old does not goto the same school anymore, so it would require more time and driving) basically.. I was REALLY putting myself out. Not only would it require alot more time/planning and a bit of a headache to do it, but the money involved with the traveling, the lunches/snacks that would be needed for school and the extra breakfast/dinner that would also be provided.. and I stopped still in my tracks and litterally had to ask myself why? Why was I going to re-arrange my entire life for a week for this woman that I have only met twice, and her boyfriend to goto mexico for a week? The answer was.... I have a hard time saying no. I literally feel guilty when I can't help someone. This is something that I really need to work on. Not just saying "no" because I think I would be put out....but paying attention to all of the factors. If it was family/close friend, I am sure I would still do it.. but otherwise, I really need to take a step back and figure out what I would need to do in order to help, rather than just jumping right in and doing it.

I tend to go overboard as well when I help, which I also think that I need to cut back on. Sometimes its about being more balanced and focused in your own life as it is to helping people. Now please do not read into this, as this does NOT apply to my psychic ability at all. I believe that I was given this gift and shown how to use to to help people.. and this will NOT change. I will ALWAYS help my clients to the best of my ability.

just in my personal life, I need to say "no".

here is another example. I have been friends with a girl for quite a few years. Shes been my husbands friends sister (following me? lol) anyways, we haven't really been in touch. Shes in a different city than me, and her brother and my husband dont really talk much (seperate paths). last year, she emailed me to play a baby game. She found out she was pregnant, and wanted everyone to guess the gender/weight..etc. I guessed boy and the date, and emailed her to ask how things were. We exchanged a few emails and I told her to let me know when she confirmed gender (she is not aware of my gifts - its never come up). Well.. no email. As her pregnancy continued, I have seen a few posts on her facebook wall of her pregnancy, no mention of gender. I posted a few hellos to her on her wall, sent her at least two messages on facebook, and no response.. Nothing :( Through mutal friends, have heard she was having a boy and that she was due in July/August. Well, about 2 weeks ago, I got an invite to a baby shower to come and meet the baby on the 16th of this month. My first instinct is to reply yes, and shower the baby with gifts.. Because this lesson had come up before I answered it, I clued in to it on a deeper level. Realizing that perhaps when treated "unfairly" its okay to say "no" to that event. Which is how I replied.. and this is the first time, I did not feel guilty for saying no.

I like to think of myself as a good friend, I am sure at times I have done my fair share of stupid or hurtful things, but they were unintentional and always apologized for if I have ever upset anyone. I really dont like people being mad:) So I think its also as much as "letting go" of someone thats been in your life when you know its time.

I would love to hear anyone elses feelings on this subject.. either life lessons, or perhaps you too taking on more than you should from other people, doing too much..being overly generous and not really realizing it.

Dont forget, the end of this month is the end of the contest for october, and I will announce the winner. So leave an email address or a login name so I can keep track of your "entries"