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Thursday, July 3, 2008

Do you have someone who is "toxic" in your life?

I am sure that at one point or another you have had someone who is more "toxic" or negative in your life that you just can't seem to get rid of. Either its your parents, your friend, your sibling or ex-boyfriend or even currently relationship/husband. Most times these people can possibly be tied into a lesson we need to learn in our lives, and since we have not learned it, we have been unable to move on. Other times, we are more afraid of the unknown and wouldn't know what to do with ourselves should we actually have the courage to move on.

There are other ways of dealing with people who are not good for you. Whether they cause you anguish, sorrow, sadness, anger, resentment.... and if they happen to be family and you have no choice but to put up with them (ie parents or siblings) then you can use this technique to help lessen their impact on your life and your emotional state.

Stand up, and imagine yourself attached to them with tons of strings, these are strong, almost like guitar type strings and "see" them going from your stomach and attaching to the other person at their stomach. They do not have to be in the room for your to "see" this. In your mind, visualize yourself having a pair of scissors in your hand, grab a hold of the strings, and start cutting. (Cut all of them but one, as you might need to keep some attachment to this person if they are related. ) You will actually see in your mind the others being cut away and falling down as they are no longer attached. You will actually feel a bit "relief" doing this and less pressure being put on you from the energy that these people seem to create.

There might be times when you need to do this again when your feeling a bit overwhelmed or mad with these people and "release" the hold they have on you, and eventually you will not be nearly as affected by these people as you currently are.

I did this technique with an ex-boyfriend that i just could not seem to break free from. He was toxic, he stole from my family, lied/cheated on me, and just was very negative. As he was my "first" I guess it was hard to see past my nose to what he was really like. When I realized my lesson with him, and did the technique above, I was able to move on finally and a much better person after that as well.

if you have any comments or questions about this post, feel free to post in the comments section or email cheri22@gmail.com and as usual put "blog comment" in the subject line so I can locate it.

8 comments:

Courts-nee said...

I just want to thank you for this post...I have been dealing with a toxic friend for the past couple of months and I don't really know how to detach myself from her. It's been especially hard because she is not the person that I was friends with only 5 or 6 months ago and I keep giving her another chance...this technique made me feel a lot better about the situation...it gave me the control over the friendship that I had been missing up to this point.

Now how do you know when you've learned the lesson? It certainly isn't clear at this point...hahaha...I guess if I don't learn it this time, I'll have to do this all over again...oh gosh I hope I learn my lesson! HAHAHA

Thanks again,
Courtney

Cheri22 said...

Hi Courts, perhaps this lesson is how to let go? How you dont need to be the "nice" guy in always trying to fix things with this person? Sometimes the lesson is "easier" than you think:)

Anonymous said...

I agree with Cheri. Sometimes the lesson is letting go. Learning that you are better off without them. It makes you a stronger, smarter person. You weed out the bad and breathe in the good. CB

Courts-nee said...

Thank you for your comments...I am going to have to agree and say that I am supposed to learn how to let her go (so much easier said then done)..shoot...I really just want her to go away (hahahahah...without me being the bad guy), but I don't get the sense that is going to happen...

Hopefully I just get so fed up that I don't care if I"m the bad guy...I'm so close!


Thanks again ladies,
Courtney



Courtney

Krystal said...

Is there anything out there about stopping someone you know from having a negative impact on your life? Someone you just don't want in it anymore but also don't want them involved with anyone in your family either??? This person isn't a friend anymore but I hate the feelings I have towards her, I just want to forget about her and her rude comments.

Krystal

Anonymous said...

Krystal, You have the power to get rid of the hateful feeling that you have for this person. More or less it takes time to get rid of these feelings. If that person is not your friend anymore, let it go. Yeah I know thats hard to do but all you can do is worry about yourself at that point. For example, I ran into my ex-boyfriends aunt a few weeks ago. She used to call me "the devil" and we had a few word battles a couple of times. But when I ran into her, I had no feelings, good or bad, it was kinda null. After the conversation I turned to my friend and said I think I came full circle, I had no emotions. A year ago, I might have said something rude to her. It takes time, but it gets better, I promise. CB

Cheri22 said...

Hi krystal

There is actually a technique you can use if your finding the "cutting" not being strong enough for the feelings you have towards this person. If you happen to have a photo, this works best, if not, then write the persons name on a piece of paper. So either photo or name, cut it into strips, does not matter which way and say "this person will no longer have any negative effect on me, by cutting this up, I am releasing any anger or resentment I have and will feel no ill well towards this person". You can insert whatever you feel comfortable in saying into that statement to better reflect your feelings, but this is a way to release it from you and you will feel more "relieved". Unfortunetly you can not stop this person from having negative impact on your family unless they too do what has been posted here and on the blog, or you are able to cut this person out of your life enough that they are removed from theirs. Hope that makes sense:)

Lynn said...

Hi Cheri

Another good visualization tool! I will try to use this for my situation. We all know toxic people don't we? Thanks.

Lynn